Trust God

The last few years have been a mild roller coaster.  Great times with some down times. 

All this time I keep getting "trust God, I am not following God, etc."

This morning I was wondering how am I not trusting God and how do I trust Him.  I thought that I did.

I have been finishing one of Doreen's quilts, a Victorian embroidery quilt.  I love the way it is turning out. I either finished or started the panels Doreen didn't finish, embroidering what I like.  One day I saw a binder I tucked in with the sewing machine books, from Doreen's. It was the pattern for the quilt and other patterns, such as the vest I finished in March.  

One panel is a rectangle instead of square. I had been trying to incorporate it in the quilt.  It only had a ribbon on it. It turns out it is part of a pillow sham the width of the bed. The last quilt panel in the center of the quilt is twice the size of the others. Doreen hadn't cut this one out yet, nor any of the border pieces. I like the layout of the panels better than what I was planning on doing.  

Last night I was going to continue adding embroidery to the rectangle pillow sham piece.  On the pattern were many flowers, which I don't have the design for.  I found another flower which might work.  Then I thought no, I will go back to my own design and not follow the pattern.  

This morning when I asked God how am I not following Him, trying to follow the sham pattern instead of my heart is what I have been doing wrong.  I need to, in all things, follow my heart, not someone else's pattern.  If I don't like it, it is not me, or how God designed me.  I need to enjoy and be happy with what I am doing.  

Following God is not hard.  When I follow my heart, my desires, I am following God, for He created me to be me not someone else.  I am much better at this than I used to be, but old habits die hard and too many people in my life, mostly Christians had controlled me. 

No more, hosah!